July 2015 update

I still ride my bicycle a lot albeit also ride an electric bicycle :)

As usual at this time of year, we are watching the Tour de France.  DH either has gotten more return or I've gotten used to the "new him" - probably more of the latter - I help him dress and we have made other changes which work better (he can do some stuff but needs supervision).  We ended up getting a new car and I am shocked to experience where technology has progressed since we got our other car in 2007.  This one has a push button start (no ignition key - I carry a "FOB"), automatic "climate control" and wonderful shocks --- unlike our other car which wasn't really bad but the front end of it disconnected and when I went to the dealership to get it fixed because last time that happened, our mechanic said we needed to go to the dealership.  But at the dealer, a car salesman swooped down upon me and talked us (well me) into a new car. Actually he just let me drive it and I was hooked.  So now we have "car payments" again.  ** sigh **  Sometimes life feels a bit unreal to me - I still miss the strong protective man, DH was - now he's just different... like getting used to a new guy.  He's nice but different and I am left with making the big decisions (like the new car) on my own - I've never done this in my life and it feels very different and uncomfortable. DH kind of, is not all there - quiet and often sits - he still eats normally though... Through all of this, I have kept all of my weight off though - actually losing slowly like one lb a month (I am told I am in the 5% who can keep over 100 lbs off for several years).  Truly I do not have the appetite I used to have, probably due to the big changes in my life (some of which are a bit scary).  But I know if I didn't make good food choices, I could be back where I was in 2008.  Weighing in at my monthly Weight Watchers meeting, is definitely helping me to remember to stay "on program". I do suffer depression quite often but try to deal with that through exercise and prayer.  Depression because losing my lifetime companion in a sense is hard - especially as the years between his retirement in 2010 and his 3rd stroke in Feb 2014, were some of the best in our marriage.

update 2014

Sorry haven't updated for a while.  DH had another stroke a month ago and lost a good part of his thinking ability.  Cannot drive etc etc.  It's been hard because we were such close companions and it's like a large part of him is no longer there.  I lost my appetite and that's helped me in weight loss (lost 7 lbs at last weigh-in) but not a great way to lose weight.  Also I'm fighting depression and there is sort of no one to talk to.  I try to remind myself that I was lucky I had such a nice companion for 47 years but somehow that doesn't ease the pain I'm feeling now, much because I miss that companionship a lot.

I guess what gets to me is that all was great until he decided he wanted to ride his pedal bicycle again (instead of his electric bicycle) after not riding the pedal bike for several years. He worked hard and heart pains did not deter him.  Finally, after a few days of this, he had a stroke right after a lengthy bicycle ride seemingly

from the over extended effort.  I wish I had stopped him now.  Too soon old, too late smart. The photo is of him on that long bicycle ride just before his third stroke.  He literally brought the bicycle in, sat down in his chair and had a stroke.

Anyway, sorry this is kind of a sad blog.  Hopefully will feel more upbeat next time I write.  Last weigh-in, I was 15 lbs below goal.  Easy to be below goal when one doesn't feel like eating.  Not good though...