I had my first weigh-in for lifetime membership two weeks ago (first week in November) and weighed in at 5 lbs below goal. My leader smiled and said this often happens when the pressure is off for achieving lifetime membership.
Now, the harder job seems to be getting used to "things".
I have lost 90 lbs from my all time high but am down 60 lbs from the weight I've been most of the last 35 years!
The last time I was at THIS weight was in 1974.
And I find there are several issues to deal with. My new size has made some things nicer and I generally like the look way better but...
First, I find that I have not much which fits me in my collection of clothing which I have amassed over the last 20 years. And what does fit is very loose on me. This was brought to my attention the other day when my doctor teased me about my baggy spandex bicycle pants. The problem is that I've been basically between 2 or 3 sizes most of my adult life and so wearing stretch clothing covered a lot of evils. Now I am faced with buying a whole new wardrobe and truly speaking, I haven't a clue just how to do this! My doctor suggested buying on line which sounds viable but then it's sight unseen type of thing.
I sure miss "UNITS" - this was a store of "one size fits all" and I loved it. Getting a new wardrobe of "Units" would be easy... you just pick the color and go for it.
To make things much more confusing, what was a size 16 when I was last this size, seems to be now, a size 10/12! But then, the sizes are very inconsistant and can vary from garment to garment. Women's clothing shopping seems more of a nightmare than it was years ago. I remember sewing most of my own clothing because of extreme frustration with clothing shopping but although I have a sewing machine, it's been "buried" in stuff for years and I cannot find room to put it where I could use it even if I un-buried it.
Frankly the idea of replacing my wardrobe, frightens the heck out of me.
Second problem - I seem to be fighting "ghosts" which I fought in the 1970's which are a bit harder to fight now because they are very buried in my subconscious. "Protective layer of fat"? Maybe there is some truth to that one. It's almost as if I've lost my bearings a bit (the disability from my stroke doesn't help things).
You know, I have loose skin all over my body. Not just my middle (which isn't so bad since I do ab exercises and yoga and have exercised daily for the last 15 years) but places you wouldn't expect it like my lower arms - it just hangs there. (MY upper arms are definitely "bye bye" arms but we won't go there). :) I have loose skin on my thighs - just all over. But this is the least of my problems although adds to this strange new feeling I get in my own skin. I understand that plastic surgery can help there some but it's very expensive, not all that safe (under anesthesia for many hours doesn't seem a good idea for looks) and from the befores and afters I've seen on TV, doesn't necessarily look that much better than dealing with the loose skin, especially in my case where it isn't super obnoxious.
Bottom line, I have to admit to myself that I have a sort of new body - I haven't gotten rid of the arthritis (old age type) nor the damage from a mini stroke I had last year but it's new for me and I guess it will take time to get used to it. I certainly do NOT want to get fat again especially as the last time I gained a bunch of weight (after the 3rd attempt at Weight Watchers in 2003-2004), I appeared to be not leveling out even though was not eating that much... I wasn't journaling daily but journaled some and averaged from 2000 - 2200 calories a day with no fast food, junk food, soda etc. and was rapidly approaching the weight of 300 lbs!
Would it be easier if my "new body" were 20 years old and size 0? Probably not as I realize a change, even one for the better, is still a change and something to get used to.
But it will take time. I just have to be patient and endure... this too will pass..
No comments:
Post a Comment